Libido back with tantra therapy
I had an email today from one of my clients. Her words really touched me and I asked her if I could share her story. It's with her approval I share her journey here, and I have chosen to call her Anna.
Anna was raised in a normal family as one of three daughters. She never felt she was really seen in her family, her parents worked a lot and she missed intimacy as she grew up. When she got in her teens, she recognized that she had a look that attracted men. Suddenly she got attention she was longing for. Quite early in life she started to have sex with boys, as a way to keep popular and to get acknowledgement. It was a way for her to work her self up in the hierarchy in school. She looked up to the popular girls and wanted to be one of them. By sleeping with the popular guys she thought she would get a ticket to the top.
But she didn't. She got the reputation of being a slut, and instead of putting her foot down, she identified with the slut. If she couldn't be the popular girl in school, at least she could be the slut. The sad thing is that boys took advantage of her and she got sexually abused.
Today Anna lives a ordinary family life. She is married since ten years and has two kids in pre school. Her relationship is good and loving but she lost all of her libido during her first pregnancy some years ago. She has tried to have sex anyway on recommendation of the nurses at the health center. Her husbond also nags her about sex and she finds her self just turning off . For Anna sex is a necessary evil and a stress factor in life. She agreed to have sex once a week, every Sunday, and all week Anna worries about the Sunday.
When Anna came to me she had almost given up. I told her to stop having sex for someone else. Sex is for YOU I said. Anna started to cry - she had never had sex for herself. It was always to please a man, to keep a man in love with her or to prove her worth. As a child she was not encouraged to mastrubate and as a teen she compared herself with women in porn who are ready to fuck, anytime.
I told Anna to stop having sex for a while, and she cried of relief. Then I helped her to re discover her body. Tantric therapy can be compared to sexual mindfulness.
How does this feel? Slow or fast here? Is this good? How does my body react here? How does my mind react?
I touched her, and she touched her self. We were breathing together, relaxing, talking. She came to me every week for 8 weeks. Yesterday she wrote this email to me:
"[...] It´s amazing. I didn´t realize my vagina could be relaxed. I have always tensed my vagina not to be to loose. I want him to feel me tight. My orgasms has been in the opening of the vagina and the last years sex and orgasms has been painful. Now I relax my vagina. I stay with my fingers in the entrance and breath just like you taught me. The vagina literally opens and sucks my finger in, and inside I am so relaxed and I can feel so much. I know you said I am not supposed to have penetrating sex for a while, but now I just want to make love as soon as the kids went to bed. We have sex in a new way now. Slower, and my husbond says that my vagina feels totally different. I feel my vagina totally different, it's electric inside... and my orgasms. Totally different, softer, longer and they make me want to make love again and again and again. I feel like a teen who just discovered sex."
Working with the sexuality isn't only good for the sexual life. It clears patterns of self judgement, lack of self confidence and gives so much strength and power. Working with the sexuality is not only for your pleasure, but it levels you up in many ways.