Surrendering to pleasure
The most powerful ceremony in my life
The workshop soulmate dating and sexual healing is a success and I am thrilled to go to the lunch break with all my new and old israeli friends. After the lunch there is a forgiveness ceremony and a cacao ceremony scheduled. I go to spend some time with my friends and get to the ceremony a bit late. Again I feel afraid. I can’t understand the facilitation in hebrew and I see many people being stiff and contracted. However I get a translation device and manage to have indulgence with on one hand, the poetic hebrew voice in the main speakers and on the other hand a slightly stiff and boring english translation in my ear. I start the ceremony.
The ceremony goes through many stages, from creating safety and grounding. Lying on the floor and feeling in to all that hurt me in life. The room screams with sadness and anger, and I can only feel bliss and love. It is as if I am taking the pain of the room and transform it to bliss. We gather in small groups and share our pain and one of the men in my group turns into a baby boy, crying for his mothers presence. My body instantly holds him close and he cries in my arms in a way that I have never seen a man cry before. I just hold him and gently I touch his face. I whisper the love of a mother in his ear again and again. His energy awakens and it moves strongly in his body. He is shaking, jerking and I help him to guide the energy up to his throat and up to his head and then down again. Its as if I see my body moving from above. I am so in tuned with his energy, absorbed by the now. Open to the source of love and life to work through me.
Then we create a circle with all of men surrounding a circle with all of the woman for the men to ask the women for forgiveness. At first I just observe the man in front of me… and then… I see his agony, I see hi’s regrets. And I feel all the woman that he hurt in the past, in me.
I am crying as a child and I pass man after man who is sharing his regrets. It touches me so deep, and in the middle of it, the crying of the men makes me love them so deep. I receive the apologie, and now it is my turn to ask for forgiveness.
It is such a cleansing experience and it ends with a dance where we are all dancing in joy together. The sexual energy is so strong, we are consciously playing with it. Flirting, touching, moving together in a trance that brings me back to memories of a future where we have temples and there he is, a young man in front of me, just coming back from the war and I see how this beautiful woman opens her arms to him and holds him for so long. After his eyes are burning with love and passion and I see this as a memory of the future where we are creating peace on earth with this work.
Suddenly he is there, on the dancefloor. The man from the yoni healing workshop. It’s like I am drawn to him like a magnet. His eyes… The way he looks out of his eyes and I don’t know… I feel the energy move inside of me. I am holding back. My energy is so strong and I don’t want to push it on someone who didn't agree to receive it. Again - one of the shadows of my mind. I am partly hiding - in meeting this man - hiding my true self and it’s curious passion. In the moment that I am aware of that I am hiding, the energy flows again. And this time even stronger. I allow myself to be close to him and to feel him. He leans forward and smells me, and my animal comes out as a blissful vibration in the chest.
Now I need to hold it back, breath, relax. I didn’t prepare for this. The attraction to this man takes my by complete surprise. From not feeling attracted at all, I now see his eyes, his strong body and big hands and I want to feel all of him. I look at him from a distance and allow the energy to roll up in me again. Like a wave my body meets his and he holds me strong in his arms. I feel so relaxed and surrendered in his presence. It is something about his size. His strong back and his silence that makes me shiver. O my god. I feel so horny and the both of us moves the energy together on the dance floor. After a while we both feel the the need to explore this attraction in private and we decide to go to my caravan, so we leave the party.
In the caravan we are sharing our boundaries and our wishes for personal safety and then we just let it flow. My body opens deeper and deeper each breath and effortless, without trying to get something or to proof something, he makes me surrender.
The power of surrender
Surrender is one of the feminine powers. In order to surrender we need to let go of that what is controlling us, and to be able to let go - we need to be able to see and be aware. Many times our control comes from shame of the power of our emotions. So in order to surrender, we need to be able to be conscious and embrace the shame.
On the way to surrender I am struck by shame. I am the one who always holds space for others and now, how can I receive his presence? Am I really allowed to let go and just enjoy? But something about hi’s total innocence brings me the insight that my surrender to him is a gift for his healing. And as I realize this I understand that my surrender is a gift no matter what. It´s a gift to me, to the men in my life and to life it self.
He is touching my body in the sweetest and most sincere ways, but still I can feel the animal inside him. He touches me in ways that challenges me. He sees parts of my body that I am ashamed of, and he kisses them passionately and lovingly and always within my boundaries. I feel so safe. I feel so held, so relaxed.
The power of the orgasms
My orgasms gets deeper each time, and in between the waves we rest together in soulful friendship. I am so happy that two people can share such deep bliss together and give each other such satisfaction - unconditionally. The best thing about tantric sex is that it can go on forever or until other things needs to be sorted. When we decide to go back to the party it is already sunset. It is time for the cacao ceremony. The ceremony is a divine flow. I walk in and out of the ceremony. The energy is pulsating inside me and I surrender to it´s wisdom. On the dancefloor waves of bliss rolls through my body after the love making in the caravan. Then the energy changes direction and I feel distracted. I leave the room and walk out in the night.
Surrender to the intuition and the healer within
By the fire I see a man sitting alone and I ask if I can have a have a puff from his joint. He shares willingly and with the joint comes also his personal story and the fear and the pain he is carrying at the moment. He is kind of new to all of this and I can see the innosense in his eyes. I recognise his fear from when I was awakened myself. So I talk to him. I comfort him. I give him everything that I would have needed when I was in his situation. His beautiful black eyes are filled with tears and gratitude as I go back to the cacao. Like this the whole evening continues and I am guided by this waves inside of me. I go in to orgasmic bliss on the dancefloor and then, I get an impulse to go somewhere and when I follow that impuls there is always a healing encounter of love waiting for me.
Healing the lingam
And there he is again. The man who is my jewel. And it doesn’t take long until our passion takes us to the caravan again. This time my jewel shares his vulnerability even deeper and when he does I am filled with such love. I bring his cock to my mouth. I want to ravish it, but I am guided by him to touch it with more care and when I do so, his cock turns into a lingam. A pillar of light. I am honouring it as a holy artefact in a temple. I feel it’s power, it’s life bringing magic. It’s healing, it’s love. And I can feel his love for life as I tenderly kiss his cock.
I wake up early. The camping field is full of radiant people who spend their nights making love in honoring of life and the divine spirit that unites us. Radiant eyes and open hearts all around me. I see brothers and sisters caring for each other. I see men and woman loving unconditionally and free. I see men honoring the wombs of the women, for the life giving source of existence that it is. And I see the women receiving the love from the men without greed or jealousy.